Cat fault
by Uzu-kun
Summary: Stupid Al. He had to take home that cat. Which killed his stuffed zebra. Which forced him to be in the middle of the road just as that bike was going down the road..... and set off that line of events. Possible pairings[RoyXEd], VERY doubtful [EnvyEd]
1. Watch out for icecream venders, kiddies

**CAT FAULT**

**Yes. This is the Fan Fiction of Cat ears. Positive critisism only in the reviews, please. I love all reviewers. This is no way accurate in the plot of the movies or books. You may not understand why, though you will later. This may not be very good, since I wrote it five minutes before I went to bed, but-**

"I. Said. Stay. Still." A certain gold haired alchemists eyes narrowed at the offender, his opponent. Stupid Alphonse. He just had to pick today to find this kitten. Now , he, the Full Metal Alchemist, had chase after a stupid **cat**! Which, by leave of his brother, was now a resident at the Elric house, by leave of his younger brother. Pfft. Not if he had anything to say about it. He wouldn't have neccisairely been this angery-just annoyed- if it hadn't been for a bunch of very familier remains spread across the living room, that could have once belonged to a pink and blue toy zebra.

This. Meant. War.

" **GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID CAT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MR. STUFFUMS!" **his face was anger itself as he chased the cat through the large dorm. They had a raise ever since the colonel reluctantly had given them a raise. But that aside, let us return to Edward trying to murder a cat.

As he chased the stray, he brushed past his younger brother, who was currently doing a transmutation to try to cure the commen cold. "Ah- brother- what-" Grey eyes clouded with confusion, they snapped into anger as he Al saw his cat being terrorized by Edward. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO EDDY!" Yes, Alphonse had named the cat after Edward. After all, they _did_ look distantly familier- gold eyes, gold hair…. Short.

" I HEARD THAT!" his younger brothers head shot up. Had he been thinking aloud? He didn't think so… at least… he hoped he hadn't..

"H-How?" He stuttered, causing the chibi to look very confused.

" I don't know. I just suddenly had the urge to say that" the blonde shrugged, looking very puzzled. Both Elric siblings gazed into eachothers eyes for a moment, then glanced around in a paranoid way. They then blinked, quickly picked up their scripts, and continued.

"Meow" this brought Edwards attention back to the now named cat, and resumed chasing maniacally after him. Through rooms, through the hallways, smashing into other tenants, down the stairs, jumping through the second story window. Al would kill him later, he ackknowlaged, as he trampled through his little brothers carefully tended flowers.

He chased furiously after the evil cat, seething in anger. Shit. This was not good, the short alchemist thought at the back of his mind as he found himself in the middle of the paved road, strangling the defenceless stuffy murderer. Calls of 'kitten killer' came from one side of the street- elementary schoolers had just happened to pass by, on a field trip.

Now, Edward, who had been stupid enough to stop in the middle of the road, did not hear the telltale bells of the icecream venders bicycle, nor did he see the vehicle turning the corner towards him. What he did feel, though, was what felt like the impact of five hundred elsphants slamming against him. And so, the fabled Full Metal Alchemist Fell.

Now, a very well known sin just happened to be passing by, looking for Mr. Mousie. His violet gaze flitted about, resting on one thing for only a second before going to the next. "Mr Mr Mr Mooooooouuuusyy" he called in a loud, cackling voice. He was pleased. Yet again he had been able to slip past Slut. Ooops. He meant Lust. Of course. Eh? "Whats that?" He blinked, and, apon seeing the 'dead' cat and boy on the ground, began to fall into a fit of weeps, pounding his head on the ground for no reason.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT YOU'RE DEAD NO YOU CAN'T BE DEAD NONONONONONOO- Ooooh, chalk!" having no idea how to get a philosophers stone, he shrugged, ran away, painted a couple of stones red, and ran back. The gate wasn't _that_ smart. Then, drawing a random transmutation circle, he clapped his hands, then slammed them on the ground, trying to bring the cat back. Not the boy! Why would Wrath care about a weird guy with metal limbs? What if being short was contagious!

A bright light surrounded them, then all was silent. Sort of. Well, no, everything was the same, except for that the little boy beside his mommy had a purple freezie instead of a pink one. And it could have been purple in the first place.

A few seconds later, the black haired sin got bored, and ran off to continue looking for Mr. Mousy, as the rest of the people around him shrugged, and went about their day. Luckily for Ed, no more cars went down the road, oddly, so a re run of the past event was not established.

His eyes opening slowly, Edward Elric brought a hand up to his forehead, wincing at the pain thudding through it as he reluctantly sat up. Making a grim resolution that whoever owned that elephent would die, he glanced around for the cat. Finding it nowhere in sight, he resisted the urge to give in to a sulk. Clutching his throbbing flesh hand, which had been crushed under him, he stood up, albeit shakily, as there seemed to be something different about his leg. Now that he was standing, he had forgotten all about his earlier mission of killing the cat. The blond straightened his coat, trying to look as if a mode of transportation had not just run over him, and set off, making his way down the now populated street.

The cat, however, has not been seen since that day. Well, relatively, it hadn't… Noticing his handy dandy State Alchemist Watch ._Available at Wallmart today_. the chibi totally freaked. HE WAS THREE HOURS LATE FOR WORK! Even though it would probably consist of Colonel Shit making him do the mans paper work, Roy would still probably have his head. Or.. no, he didn't want to think about that. He tried to pick up his pace, not noticing the many stares he was receiving from the other various people walking down the street.

One bunch of teenagers, around his size took to following him, practically stalking him as they called out names. As for Ed, he couldn't hear one word they were saying, as his ears were buzzing unpleasantly. That was probably a good thing, since the gang, in the five minutes they had followed him, had dubbed him Kitty Cat the Short Shrimp. But even as the lads threw rocks, the chibi took no notice. Rubbing at his blurred eyes, the boy stumbled up to the door of central, struggling with his leg. It was odd, but his metal leg felt _much_ different. Allmost like a human leg of flesh and bone.

**With Timmy The Random Boy**

_The young lad stared at the ground, and Grinned. "Mommy, mommy, look! I found a present for granpa!"_

"_Yes, Timmy, I know, you found a metal arm and leg again. Now, come on, lets go to the candy shop. Mummy is going to get you an toffee." She sighed, shaking her head at her sons imagination._

"_No! This time I **mean** it!" Timmy protested stubbornly, a set look on his face._

"_Do you want an toffee or not!" Timmy, vanquished under the threat of no toff-toff, followed meekly behind his mother, staring longingly back from time to time at the shiny limbs._

**I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE FIRST CHAPTER!**

Ed: Yeesh, no need to yell.

Envy: WHY WASN'T I IN THIS STORY!

Roy: Because you're an idiot.

Me: Come, come, you're going to be in here later.

Ed: NNOOOOOOOOOOO!

Envy: **smirk**

Me and Envy: Maniacal laughter.

**Oh, yes, as an apology for my extremely short chapter, I will add one of my drabbles called view points.**

**How. Can. You. Stand. It.**

**Standing tall when you want to fall**

I'm gazing forward, straight at that freak of nature, everything he's saying going over my head. I. Hate. Him. He's giving that familier psychotic grin-there was no other way to describe it- at the same time as he punches me in the jaw. Shit. That hurt. "I'm not even sure you're a guy," I taunt, "With that short _skirt _and all." I think I've got him- but no, he flips back onto his feet, and continues fluidly dodging my blows. Damn stubborn.

"You're just jealous of my hot bod" is the only reply I get as a side kick nearly hits the side of my cheek. I swear, he's almost better then me.

**Just Give it up, stop staying up**

**Just give up it all**

I try to take advantage of the opportunity he has supplied me with, but- I should have expected it- He isn't even fazed, and I receive an roundhouse in return. That's going to bruise. _If I even live past today_ . STOP IT! I scold myself. He's talking again, but I'm trying to pay more attention to the fight. I think he's gotten annoyed with my ignoring him- the last punch he sent crushed the piller I'm behind. No, not hiding, as you may think. Simply being cautious. Why do I call him a he? Well, its hard to call him an _it_. Though I wish I could. I really, wish I could.

**Sacrifice your morals**

**Why won't you let go**

Oh, he's getting really angery. Not that just anyone could spot it. Its not that easy- that teasing, hateful smirk is still painted on his features. His remarks are getting sharper , but I'm still not paying heed. Though it is getting harder. I open my mouth to tell him to shut up and fight, but the sentence dies in my throat as I feel a blade graze my neck. Where did that come from? I muse to myself, as I stumble back-I'm only human, no matter what the military or other alchemists claim, no matter wheat we claim, we are no gods. This track of mind vanishes as I feel myself getting slammed against the ground. A crack echoes around us. I blink as my sight goes momentarily black- did he crack my head open?

**Of everything and everything**

**Why don't you give up and fall**

"What's the matter? You dead, Full Metal Shorty? I'm disappointed in you, thought you were made of stronger stuff then that-" his voice is cut off suddenly, and I feel a slicing sensation, like I'm cutting bread. But this- is no bread.

"Don't. Call. Me. Short." How cliché, I muse to myself. I really have got to get a new saying. My gaze is drawn upwards, and I gaze into the violet eyes, the pupils gradually growing larger. I know this isn't permanent. I push his already regenerating corpse off of me, and begin to stumble towards the exit. But this is the best I can do.

**Down onto the ground**

And never get up again

I'm suddenly slammed into a wall. Shit. Won't this fight ever end? It seems like there's nothing in my life except violence. And more violence. Its like some X-rated war movie. Except for one thing. This. Is. Reality. "I've told you time and time again that its no use. Well, it was fun while it lasted." What's he talking about? I question myself, until I register our current position. Oh, I think detatchedly.

**Since it's clear you've lost this round**

**If you break down and let it out**

Is this the end? I wonder, not really feeling anything. I think I should. I know I should. I reach down inside myself for that spark of fear I used to feel when my death was so near, back when my worst nightmares involved Barry the Chopper. Back when I was a child in heart and out. The twisted palm tree infront of me has noticed my lack of fear, and tightens his grip around my neck. Ah. Finnally, the familier rush of fear swamps me, and in a flash of panic I knee his midriff- looks like he's male after all. Gasping for air, I land on a slump, then continue to walk on shakily. I think I see a familier flash of fire. The cavalry has arrived, quite literally.

**There's no harm in giving up**

**If you're already ten feet under and six across**

The catlike sin stalks after me- but then pauses, noticing the familier flash of fire. A look –my, getting open, isn't he?- of frustration slides over his face. Leaning in, "Have fun with your Colonel" causing me to pick up, though clumsily- my left hand is still aching from being crushed under me- a nearby small statue. I do not like that insinuation, not at all. I toss it after him. He, of course, caught it easily, and tossed it back, causing me to fall backwards. "I'd love to stay and play catch, but it seems its time for me to go home"

In the desceased Nina's voice, no less- have I said that I hate him yet? Bastard. I turn to the now approaching Colonal Shit- no matter how grateful I am, that does not change my opinion of him- and give him a slight nod, hiding my inner feelings. I've grown up, though I may still appear to be a child. Though I may still act like it, as well- I will never be that innocent boy again. I turn away from the remnants of the fight, and I don't have to look to see if Envy is there- I know that he is gone. I wonder to myself for a moment what it is like to enjoy this life for a moment- And for that small space of a second, I Envy Envy. And then the moment is gone.….

**I wrote the song myself. MWHAHAHAHAH- Ok, that was random. A-NY-WAYS, I would love it if people reviewed this, since I cannot write without review. In fact, every one who reads this, has an account, and likes it- REVIEW! **

Roy: Shut up you're scaring them.

Me:.. Pfft. Yeah right. Now get back to heating the boiler room, Fire-lad.

Roy: I'll get you back for this. I swear, one day I will.

Envy: HAHAHAHAHHAH YOU ARE SOOOO STUPID!

Ed:... I don't know them. They're complete strangers.


	2. Story telling

**STORY WRITING CONTEST**

**Yes, Yes, Yes! I am back from my spreee of being brain dead, and the first thing I shall do in my reappearance is to scold you for not reviewing! I am currently unable to update, because my script is missing- DAMN YOU MOM FOR SPRING CLEANING: - and so am adding an totally irrevelent bunch of hogwash. **

Roy: Quite honestly, I think the reason they didn't reply is because your story is a meaningless jumble of words.

…………**.I command you to shut up! Let's see you write a story! **

Roy: Once there was a Happy Pony, and he lived in a Happy Meadow..

Ed: Makes a noise that could have been either a sneeze or disguised scornful laughter.

Al: LISTENTOMYSTORYLISTENTOMYSTORY!

Ed…. O…kay…

Al: Once there was a little kitten, who got lost in the woods. A little boy found him and took him home and fed him milk.

Wrath: …And..?

Al: …. And What?

Wrath: Mr. Mousy wants to know- WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Al: That's it.

Ed: That's it?

Al: Whats it?

Ed: That's it.

Al: What-

Envy: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU!

….…

**THE SCRIPT HAS NOT BE FOUND THUS I AM GUESSING. **

Chapter two: Welcome To The Army

The pouting chibi trudged into H.Q, yanking the door open with his suddenly frail feeling arm. Casting sour stares around him , the boy sullenly made his way down the hallways, he tried without avail to straighten his red coat with his other , untingling, arm. Edward only half noticed most of the woman in the hallways pausing in their constant chatter when he walked by them, to busy concentrating on his ears. The reason of this was clear and simple. It was because, suddenly, the funny feeling was gone, and he could hear EVERYTHING. Even the radio that never worked, which made no sense. He was drawing stares, though he didn't notice it much, being the unobservant little alchemist he was. He was, though, beginning to notice the woman working on the desk work 'oohing' and 'ahhing' and 'cuting', and the boy frowned, beginning to realize the attention he was getting. He felt like growling with confusion. Wait… Growling? He never growled! Well.. at least… he didn't think he did….

"Aw, look at the cute shrimp!" the side of the Alchemists eye twitched, and he wondered to himself sourly where on earth Hawkeye was. Out of nowhere, a sign popped up. RIZA'S HOME BECAUSE SHE BROKE BOTH HER ARMS BECAUSE SHE TOOK ON SCAR ON HER OWN. The elder Elric rubbed at his blurred eyes, peering at the sign, wherever the heck that had come from. Well, however improbable that was…. Back to being grumpy. As he clomped through the hallways, though, now that he was done wondering about his ears, he was finding the squeeling of the women- and a few men- was getting quite nerve grinding, and if his short temper was pushed any further-

"F-Full-Full Metal.. your… your… What happened!" A questioning voice brought him out of his reverie. Havoc was staring, wide eyed at him, ciggerette almost falling out of his mouth.

" What happened to what about what?" Edward blurted out in an dazed fashion, his mind still not really focused. The short alchemist held his cloak tighter to him, all the while mentally swearing at Al. It was all his fault, the army being confusing. Havoc, sensing the teens mood was far from happy, not that he usually was, quickly made himself look like he was working instead of doing nothing.

With a start, he noticed that it had been twenty minutes, and the nervous man had not yet answered him. **_ SNAP_**.  
" **NEVER MIND IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO ANSWER ME I DON'T CARE!**"

The short blonde exploded, causing many various pieces of completed paper work the orange haired military man had evidently been working on to scatter around the room, and resulting in the main population to cower behind their desks. Oh, they had learned be **_AFRAID_** of the lad when he was in these moods. It was just at this moment the black haired pyromaniac in the next room was commenting The woman continued giggling and chattering and pointing to his head ass, for whatever reason that was for. DAMN it, couldn't Hawkeye have found a better time to go all hero! Edward stomped childishly to the colonels door, the unusual feeling in his leg having subsided, as he proved by landing a well placed kick on the colonels door. It was at this time Roy was commenting on the phone with a random delivery man about the size of the mini skirts.

"No, short. Very short." Uh. Oh. The blond turned quickly, stomping through the mans door to his office. This action caused many sighs of relief as the main population of Central returned to the various pieces of work they were pretending to accomplish before Full Metal had gone insane. Then again, he was already insane…

A certain raven haired alchemist barely flinched a his door was slammed open, and instead of blowing up, quickly assembled his '_I'm as hot ass your ass and you know it'_ look, and raised an eyebrow at the elder Elric.

"You're late" was the terse statement, as Roy Mustang wrote down his name on the Lava Life entry sheet he was filling out. Hmm…. Will I get the blond, or the copper haired girl… he pondered as the boy sullenly plopped himself down on a nearby conveniently placed armchair. This action caused the Colonal to look up again, and actually see Edward.

The man blinked. Then blinked again. His first instinct was to hug the teen, and his second to let out a fan girl shriek. Since he could do neither, he settled for slowly reaching for Riza's glasses, which he had stolen yesterday. It was hard to believe his eyes. An angery as hell Full Metal Alchemist was standing infront of him, an sullen flush on his cheeks as he fidgeted with his rumpled red overcoat. But that wasn't made the chibi teenager cuter then hell at the moment. Oh, no.

"Edward… Do you have an infinity to cats?" Roy remarked, wondering if the boy even knew about what was on his head. The side of the blondes eye twitched, then a loud voice was heard over the ruckus of Central, as the teen had decided to misunderstand the man.

"**WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT YOU COULDN'T SEE HIM EVEN IF YOU SET THE MAGNIFYING GLASS AT ONEHUNDRED!"** Gasping for air at the end of his tirade, Edward leaned against the desk, his hands, hidden in his gloves, slamming down on the arms of the chair he had flipped down in. Roy just stared at the short blonde, who was currently trying to get his breath back.

" Stop having hissy fits, Elric" The colonel scolded, still calm, though he was trying to conceal a grin. He stopped trying when Ed stomped over to his desk, and sat down on it in a way not unlike the cat he currently resembled, glaring resentfully at the man. " Since when do I have hissy fits!"

Leaning forwards, the womanizer, pushed to the end of his control and unable to stand it, stood up, leaning over Edward in such a way that the boy was forced to sit still, and slowly began to stroke the boys Large, black, silky furred cat ears, allowing a smile to curve his lips as the boy twitched, obviously wanting, but afraid, to do him life threatening damage.

"Since you got those."

**VERY SORRY FOR THE SHORT UPDATE COULDN'T BE HELPED.**

Envy: Yes it could you're just Lazy. And I'm still not in the story. Pulls out electric saw

Me: Who gave him that!

Dante: Eh heheh.. well.. it _was_ his birthday…..

**FIRE CELLER GUY!**

…**  
**

Roy: And so the Happy Pony said, Where Is The Purple Tree?

Al: I KNOW! I KNOW!

Wrath: .. Hmph. I want to know where the purple tree is….


End file.
